my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
as a side note pls kill me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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