Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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