Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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