sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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