The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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