either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
