toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize