dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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