You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
