did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
