Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
