ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
