Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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