i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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