I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
