i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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