Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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