ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
