After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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