WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
