I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
