Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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