also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
