she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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