real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the day after is always just damage control
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We don't watch enough power rangers
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have fence marks all over my body
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
