i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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