dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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