i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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