Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
