it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
