Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
