Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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