I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize