and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
