I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
