the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
