forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
