Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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