Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
