That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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