Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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