fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
