You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
