I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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