New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
