Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
