I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
