So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
