some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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