I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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