guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
