Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
