I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
