I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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