I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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