just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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