I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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