is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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