for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
