Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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