Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
