it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
