white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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