I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We left the knife in your bed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
