he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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