Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
