I just threw up on my dentist
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
