My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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