I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
