OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
