Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
