Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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