So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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