She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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